Hi!

I don't know how else to start this but by saying, happy 50th birthday mom!!! *Throws confetti into air*
It's been 2 years since my mothers death and I still have a hard time celebrating a holiday or special occasion without my mom by my side.

Today my mom would of turned 50. My mom was really looking forward to turning 50, so was my family but that dream was unexpectedly got smashed in 2007.

*Sighs* I have a lot of flashbacks going on in my mind right now. Both good and bad. I never got to say "goodbye" or "I love you" when my mom died. Thankfully I did get to spend my last final hours with my mom the night before she died. And my dad got to spend his last final hours with my mom that morning before she died. I remember all the times my mom went down to my school and yelled at the school because they were being unfair and wouldn't help me with my homework. I remember my mom would buy me things that my dad didn't understand why my mom was buying it, she'd just say "I want to" or something like that. *Giggles* I remember when my mom would blast her music in the car when she came to pick me up from school. I remember when my mom always shared her food with me. I remember when I would be in my room and my mom would be in the family room or living room listening to music, I would get curious and go check on her, as soon as my mom saw me she'd start dancing and make me laugh then I'd start dancing along with her and we both started laughing together. *Sigh* I miss that, a lot. T.T And... of course, I remember the day of my mothers death and what happened on September 6, 2007.

I must admit January has been an emotional roller coaster for me, not just because today is my mom's birthday but it's also because I've also had to celebrate 4 others birthdays, Chinese New Year and I've had a few appointments to take care. Oh!... I almost forgot to mention about the weather over here, it's been snowing over here off and on for the past week. I pray that February is not as rough as this year has been. Although, I do have... 9 upcoming birthdays, a few appointments and Valentine's Day coming up soon. Ugh... *Headache*

Anyway... I'm going to go take a shower and go to bed. I heard if your depressed, tired, angry or tense, taking a nice relaxing hot or warm shower (however you like it, I prefer warm ), it's like all your troubles go away. So I'm going to go do that now.

Talk to you all later! Take care everyone! Bye.

Sincerely,
Michele


In Loving Memories of Rebecca "Becky" Lyndora Willhelm (Brewer): January 31, 1959 -- September 6, 2007.


P.S. I plan on posting some deviations soon, whenever things settle down over here. So be sure to keep an eye out for that!



Song Dedicated to My Mom for Her Birthday:

Artist: X Japan

Song: Tears

Album: Dahila

Song Length: 10:31

Music Video: [link]

Lyrics to "Tears" by X Japan:

"Wherever we go is okay,"
You said
Now what may have been
Has been stopped by time

On that night that was too long
I had a dream where you left me
Staring at a foreign sky
I hugged my loneliness

My fallen tears
Are piling up on the winds of time
At the end
I feel your breath

DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE
DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE

LONELINESS... YOUR SILENT WHISPER
FILLS A RIVER OF TEARS THROUGH THE NIGHT
MEMORY... YOU NEVER LET ME CRY
AND YOU, YOU NEVER SAID GOODBYE
SOMETIMES OUR TEARS BLINDED THE LOVE
WE LOST OUR DREAMS ALONG THE WAY
BUT I NEVER THOUGHT YOU'D TRADE YOUR SOUL TO THE FATES
NEVER THOUGHT YOU'D LEAVE ME ALONE

TIME THROUGH THE RAIN HAS SET ME FREE
SANDS OF TIME WILL KEEP YOUR MEMORY
LOVE EVERLASTING FADES AWAY
ALIVE WITHIN YOUR BEATLESS HEART

DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE
DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE

My fallen tears
Are piling up on the winds of time
This feeling at the end
Makes my blue rose change*
DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE
DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE

My fallen tears are piled on the winds of time again
At the end I can feel your breath
DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE
DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE
DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE
DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE

(talking)
If you could have taught me anything
You would have found what love is
If you could have taught me what was on your mind
I could have shown you the way
Someday... I will be before you
Have you ever thought about that time?
I never imagined the pictures of that night
For now I will try to live for you
And for...
I will try to live
Try to live the love, the dreams,
And finally, the tears.


* the blue rose is symbolic of loneliness and emptiness, so here "Makes my blue rose
change" means that Yoshiki's loneliness and emptiness changed.